A Quick Staples Coupons Story
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A Quick Staples Coupons Story
Rush Limbaugh stared
at his stapler angrily. “How could you do this to me!” He
yelled. The inanimate object jeered fearlessly back at the
conservative shock jock, mocking his frustration with a distorted
reflection that made him look fat. “You were supposed to be
with me all the way! You were going to give me your all! And now your
complaining that you’re out of staples?” Rush’s
face was red with a righteous fury as he slammed his fist down on the
table. “What will the democrats think of this? They’ll
probably come up with some kind of stapler conspiracy theory that
will crush my reputation as an all-knowing conservative demagogue.
Rush was sweating now.
Perspiration rolled off his chin like a small waterfall, and
Limbaugh’s lungs were beginning to wheeze. Rush scowled at the
stapler with the eyes of a man who has killed many a reputation with
a mere glance. “Forget the democrats, Michael Steele is going
to have a hay-day because of this. I’ll have to call a
press conference tonight just to do damage control because of your
lack of staples!”
Rush sat down again,
winded from the lengthy amount of time spent in an upright position.
“Your probably just another Obama sympathizer aren’t
you.” He said to his stapler. “Your angry that I want
Obama to fail. Well let me tell you Mr. Swingline Deluxe, it doesn’t
matter what you do to deny me my right to staples, I will never back
down from that statement. Obama needs to fail because I
need to be in power again. It is not enough to merely criticize a man
who is trying to do his best, I need to beat him to a pulp, and then
bend him to my political will!”
At this point Dick
Cheney walked through the door and sat down. Putting his hand on
Rush’s shoulder, the former vice president had some calming
news. “Rush,” said Cheney, “It’s ok, I have
some staple coupons for you straight from that paper mill upstream
that pollutes the entire Mississippi river. It’s ok; you don’t
need to be upset anymore.”
“Easy for you to
say,” Rush replied, “You never had inanimate objects
betray you in the war on liberals. The axis of socialists are
beginning to get the upper hand, I need everything to go smoothly
while I take over the Republican Party to finally be given dominion
over all the land.” Cheney thought for a moment, and then
replied,
“One thing at a
time Rush, one thing at a time, don’t think about the big
pictures, just think about the staple coupons right now.”
“You’re
right.” Rush said, his red flushed face slowly starting to
return to its normally pasty white. “I guess it’s kind of
pointless to waste that anger on a stapler, when I could be using my
fury to spread vicious gossip over the airways.” Rush’s
face started to brighten. “Thanks for bringing by these staple
coupons, it’s really brightened my day.” Rush said.
“Any time you
need staple coupons, just call me ok?” Cheney saluted the new
GOP leader and walked out the door.
“Cheney,staple coupons… ok I’ve got you in my 80’s Rolodex.
Thanks again!” Rush said. Cheney responded by pulling out his
shotgun and firing it into the air. “Long live the second
amendment!” he said, as he stepped into his limo.
The solution to busy shopping
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