Consider this a primer on the current state of the hi-tech market of fun and techy devices. Don’t worry. I won’t talk too technical. I’ll help you navigate the ever-changing waters in the mysterious world of tech gadgets and gizmos. You’ve got some things to look forward to giving, or getting, this holiday season—some functional some frivolous.
6 Hi-Tech Blunders
These tech gadgets get the ol’ thumbs-down. I’m not about to glorify them here, more like malign them because that’s the kind of mood I’m in. Your curiosity will encourage you to read on.
Faucet light – This idiot invention makes water flowing from your bath faucet glow a cool blue plasma stream. Not cool. It reminds me of the blue sanitized water in a toilet bowl, frankly.
Antquarium – An ant colony lives in a space age environment developed from technology by space cadets at NASA. It’s a cleaner lifestyle for the ants as they are crawling and tunneling in transparent and highly nutritious gel. But how does it taste?
Glow crystals – They are solar powered Led’s shifting color from green to red to blue. They glow at night—all night long. Nonstop. You can’t turn them off. No matter how embarrassing it gets—out there on your front lawn like happy, otherworldly floating orbs. Freaky. Beam me up Scotty!
Levitating golf ball – Picture this: a 7" stand with a golf ball stuck in an electromagnetic field over a cheesy looking mini putting green to let every passerby know you are a golfer and a geek. Hmmm, does anybody recall the health risk advisory of microwave radiation spewing from microwaves? Scarily close in nature to this electromagnetic field. I’d rate this one a fore out of a hundred. Thumbs down.
Spy ear – If espionage is your thing there is a SIM-card bug that’s about the size of a deck of cards; not real easily concealed. You listen to every sound it hears from you cell phone. It can get you on the wrong side of the law all while it wastes tons of minutes hours of your cell phone plan listening to people saying not-so-nice things about you. Ear plugs please!
Dog washing machine – This giant gadget is for the un-lucky dog that gets hosed down and air-dried in minutes. Sure to make your favorite pooch sorry he ever willfully splashed through a muddy puddle earlier! For the insensitive and lazy owner, may I say in a firm, authoritative tone, "Shame, shame baaad owner."
Hot Picks From Apple Store
Keep current with the new iPod touch from $299. You might call this electronic device the bigscreen tv of portable media players and the mini micro of portable laptops since it’s geared up to surf the web wherever there’s a Wi-Fi hotspot*. It’s flashy alright with a lot of functionality to boot. Might as well get used to this one as you control it right on it multi-touch screen, and zoom in on a photo by pinching in on the screen--if you follow me. Cool. Way cool.
Next up, the iPhone for $399. Wanna make a phone call? Tap a number on its hi resolution screen to place your call…or text message…or surf the web…or scroll through songs. Oh, you’re not done yet! View and send emails (even your spam!), catch up on the latest YouTube videos all while you are well on your way to the nearest café using Google Maps. The iPhone’s design is called buttonless (not bottomless) design since you use the screen instead of buttons. This nifty little number is less than 1/2" thick. Sleek.
To use the iPhone you sign up for a 2-year service agreement with AT&T. To make this gift extra special Apple Store can ship your new phone in an origami-style gift box. The lucky receiver may be under the misconception that they’re getting a jewelry of some sort. But no, they’re getting something better.
Rock someone’s Christmas with an iTunes gift card. Gotta keep them up with the latest music. Gotta get them an iPod to make those tunes happen! Read on to make your choices to complete your Christmas list.
Wear your tunes on your jacket, t-shirt or belt and show off your style! This little bitty player packs 240 songs for nonstop sound. It clips on or slips in a coin pocket in your jeans. It only costs a few coins too. At $79 it's a great pick. The iPod shuffle—pick your color.
Watch your tunes with the iPod nano. Watch movies and tv shows. Now this is tech gone mini where a 2" display shows album art you flip through. With all that viewing don’t forget to tune in to the 2,000 songs you can store inside! Go out and get it all from only $149.
Purchase a bit more viewing real estate with a roomy 2 1/2" display. Then grab yourself a whopping 40,000 songs…if you’ve got that kind of time to download! It's in the form of the new iPod classic in classic colors of silver or black. Now showing movies, tv shows, videos, audiobooks, podcasts, photo slideshows and games wherever you are. Starts at only $249 with free engraving.
Get down and get loud with a so-stylish-it-hurts iPod speaker system called Zeppelin. Guys and gals, this one's shaped like a zeppelin...for real. Outside its stylish good looks are sound acoustic principles on its inside or in its inside...WhatEVER! Groovy.
* Wi-Fi definition: geographical area around a place that has set up wireless internet access.
Spread Cheer the Hi-Tech Way
Hit the road with a MacBook. This one’s tough—built Mac tough with a polycarbonate case and tons of storage capacity supporting up to 4GB main memory and 250GB is optional. This allows your growing media collection to continue growing to scary proportions. It’s got a built-in camera for a cozy video chat with your best buddies via its 13" screen. Cupholders not included. Get it now from $1,099.
For those ambitious, creative types with a little more cash to splurge there’s the iMac for a home office for $1199. Appealing to your rebel side is the laptopish keyboard—a dwarfed version of the traditional workstation desktop-hogging oblong unit you know too well. iMac serves up vivid, rich colors on a 24" widescreen display for you to feast you eyes on. Such a showoff! So show off your photos, movies, games and digital artwork. Not only does it display images, it will take yours too with its built-in iSight camera. Smile! And, looking to the future, iLife ’08 is made up of new versions of iPhoto, iMovie, iDVD, iWeb and GarageBand—teens dig this music making program!
iThink i’M interested...
There’s a new operating system in town. It’s the OS X Leopard. Grrrrrrr. All Mac computers ship with it. Here’s my big chance to show my techy side here as I ramble on about its feature attractions. Sexy. Or not. She’s got some fine features, that OS X Leopard, though. I’ll gloss over them and hope by the end of this list your eyes aren’t glossing over.
- Quick Look – Get a sneak peek of files without opening them. Appeals to my impatient side, and to my peeping-tom side—if I had one.
- Time Machine – This is a backup system. But it makes incremental backups for you; so that you can go back to a day in time and see what your files were like that day.
- Mail – There are over 30 stationery templates for writing emails that now have drag-and-drop photo placement. Sincerely!
- iChat – Imagine sitting on a tropical beach chatting live with your amigos and associates—it will appear that way with a backdrop you create. Present a slideshow too. If your mother taught you how to share, then sharing your desktop amicably is a cinch! If your mother taught you to be a saver, then you’ll be able to with recording and saving video and audio chats.
- Spaces – A lack of space is a common complaint for many of us; but this feature is all about making the most of yours by organizing.
- Safari – If you feel the need for speed then you’ll appreciate the way this web browser gets you up to speed. Another innovation lets you clip out any part of a web page and make it a widget on the dashboard…by the way a dashboard is where mini applications give you fast access to info. It’s kind of like your car’s dashboard with gages that give info. about your car.
- Parental controls - Leopard keeps an eye out for websites while it keeps another eye on the clock to set time limits. Okay, now it's your turn Mom!
- Boot camp - For diehard Windows users not quite ready to dive deep into the world of Mac, there is the option to install Windows while still retaining full access to Mac features. Mac's gentle way of letting you just get your feet wet first.
Then there’s the trusty, tried and true gift of money that doesn’t look like money. Apple has a gift card that represents hi tech…and hip…and progressive. Most of all it represents the spirit of Christmas or Hanukkah. I could say Knock their stockings off. But that would be more or less a knockoff of what Apple said first. So here’s what I’ll say, Mac’s are the MacDaddy of home electronics! Ugh, that’s sooo 1980’s.
Loooooong story short: Give apples. Have Mry X-mas. Hpy New Yr!